Fix or Leave?

I had an iPad with a cracked screen that Apple would not fix, only replace. This iPad had precious, irreplaceable, memories on it that I could not sync to the computer without it being fixed. We live in a society that discards and replaces anything that has any problem rather than take the time to fix it.

 I was first married when I was 22 years old. There were strange occurrences that I chalked up to just being what marriage was really like. I had my first child that first year of marriage. During my second year of marriage I discovered that my husband was leading a double life. When I confronted him about it I never once considered that I would get divorced. I had been taught to forgive and work towards building back trust. My husband had no interest in reconciliation, moved out, and left me and our son. One month before the divorce was final I discovered that his double life had resulted in another family. All of the strange behavior, and his choice to discard our family, was brought into perspective.

It saddens me to hear of so many divorces over infidelity, substance abuse, or pornography. Yes these are awful traumatic things that are hard to work through. While in the midst of ground zero there are feelings of being in a prison, triggers that sneak up from so many places and people that were once sources of safety, and it does seem like there are no other options but starting over. This is a lie. Except in cases where substantial abuse will perpetually continue, there are so many options that with time and work make the initial investment worth holding on to.

There has been little difference in my second married experience. The only significant difference is that I am married to a man that is is willing to work on himself and our marriage, and patient with me as I work on myself and our marriage. We have problems and trauma like anyone else, but we understand that marriage is work and everything is forgivable.